I Simply Let Her Walk Away

By R. Cary

A year ago or maybe it was two, while shopping, almost to the date my body froze. Time held still. My body turned to the light adjacent. My right shoulder leading the way. The sun beamed as the sky shone. The rays guiding my vision, across the patio of the store where the flowers were blooming. The colors expanded and my sight opened. The harshness of that holiday season, when all seemed lost, forbidden, the gods called for my attention as she perused. Hope came upon me with some uncertainty. ‘But that’s not her’ I thought. ‘I am not ready’ my mind gave to me. She will love me immediately and her love will be returned even sooner than she gave hers. My gaze with the background of a haze narrowed so I could see, ‘Who is she’? With the distance between us I let the moment pass, noting how my body was consumed by the moment. Hope and uncertainty engulfed my being. Just as my thoughts gained relief about her, a woman passed in front of me grabbing my attention in a way that confused me. I simply nodded and smiled not knowing what else to do. What else could I do? Was this the same woman I just saw? I just didn’t know what to do. So I simply let her walk away. 

Today, almost to the date a year ago or maybe it was two while shopping at a different store, a woman similar in tone and complexion as the year or two before with some slight but noticeable differences in posture and her, ‘forma de ser’ appeared. This time she was down the aisle. I noticed her at a glance, but it was my body that demanded me to look closer. My compulsion to move towards her is clear. With some confusion, just like the year or two before I shook it off. Down the aisles I went, but I kept walking back to where she was. One time, two times, three times, my body just kept compelling me without a thought needed. I kept my distance, I had no path to tell her as my mind finally spoke, ‘at this time it just cannot be’. As we stood in line a few checkouts from each other her presence was calling; her calmness, the way her body rests on her hips, her full length touching me with ease, her demeanor arriving to me as pleasurable with a touch of her hidden confidence. Her cheek began to redden, her left one, just slightly as she noticed my attraction towards her. The moment lasted a lifetime, the feeling is one I will always hold, but it was over sooner than I wished. As we both disappear into the checkouts I let the time go. I attempt to let the moment pass, but my emotions are strong. My heart swells, just a touch. While bagging my groceries I gave one last glance, I wanted to see her one last time and all I could experience was her softness, her lips moving so gently through the air, her breath moving faintly and cautiously as her words engaged the world. I tried to look away as I placed my last items in their bags, but there she was, stepping out into the light, just a touch diagonally in my direction. I take this moment to look deeper into her, the shape of her becomes clear. Her posture clearly defined, a silhouette I conceive. Her kindness in saying hello in this moment is the message I receive. But just like the year or two before, what could I do? So I simply let her walk away. 

End

I Simply Let Her Walk Away

By R. Cary

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